Cliff came in with a beef
“this needle is broken,” he said,
“and my voice, it’s developed a whir, can you hear it?!”
The doctor consulted his Blackberry
“I think you might have a brain cloud,” he said,
“my mother had one and became quite insane –
Complained about beef and needles and whirs –
Lick this thermometer three times a day and
Thank God you don’t have testicular cancer,
Now that’s something to sneeze at”
Monday, January 11, 2010
A PRESIDENTIAL PARABLE
“A danger sign of the lapse from true skepticism in to dogmatism is an inability to respect those who disagree” (Dr. Leonard George).
The kingdom of the united states is like a man going on a journey, who chose a servant and entrusted him to oversee all that he had – rather than taking care of his master’s property, the servant used that property, instead, to reward his friends – while he was rewarding his friends, he allowed his master’s enemies to sneak in and destroy valuable property – at first the servant pursued the perpetrators, but then, for no apparent reason, he turned away to another of his master’s enemies and decided to punish him instead (to this day, no one knows why he did this) – he got all the master’s guardsmen together and broke into the man’s house and had him killed – regarding the talents that the master entrusted him with – he did not invest them – he did not put them in the bank – he didn’t even bury them in the ground, but rather squandered them on his friends in the way of tax breaks and no-bid contracts – his friends got richer and richer while he ran his Master’s household into incredible (possibly irreparable) debt – when a portion of the household became flooded, instead of helping or fixing the problem, he all but completely ignored the problem and years later the problem is still not fixed – he lied to the Master – he spied on members of the household – he had people tortured – he mistreated the master’s guardsmen – and was so abusive to the other households (both friend and foe) that he has caused the Master’s name to be cursed across the entire globe – he has done all this and more and seemingly without any consequence to himself – regarding the master – we don’t know what’s become of him – is he dead? Drunk? Addicted to internet gambling or porn? Where has the master been these last seven plus years? And the other servants, what the hell is wrong with them – they all seem to be cronies or complete cowards – if the master ever manages to get out of prison or rehab or wherever and return to us, what should he do? Should he say, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!” or should he say to instead, “You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest -- take him to Guantanamo so that he can see for himself whether or not waterboarding constitutes torture and then throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
The kingdom of the united states is like a man going on a journey, who chose a servant and entrusted him to oversee all that he had – rather than taking care of his master’s property, the servant used that property, instead, to reward his friends – while he was rewarding his friends, he allowed his master’s enemies to sneak in and destroy valuable property – at first the servant pursued the perpetrators, but then, for no apparent reason, he turned away to another of his master’s enemies and decided to punish him instead (to this day, no one knows why he did this) – he got all the master’s guardsmen together and broke into the man’s house and had him killed – regarding the talents that the master entrusted him with – he did not invest them – he did not put them in the bank – he didn’t even bury them in the ground, but rather squandered them on his friends in the way of tax breaks and no-bid contracts – his friends got richer and richer while he ran his Master’s household into incredible (possibly irreparable) debt – when a portion of the household became flooded, instead of helping or fixing the problem, he all but completely ignored the problem and years later the problem is still not fixed – he lied to the Master – he spied on members of the household – he had people tortured – he mistreated the master’s guardsmen – and was so abusive to the other households (both friend and foe) that he has caused the Master’s name to be cursed across the entire globe – he has done all this and more and seemingly without any consequence to himself – regarding the master – we don’t know what’s become of him – is he dead? Drunk? Addicted to internet gambling or porn? Where has the master been these last seven plus years? And the other servants, what the hell is wrong with them – they all seem to be cronies or complete cowards – if the master ever manages to get out of prison or rehab or wherever and return to us, what should he do? Should he say, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!” or should he say to instead, “You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest -- take him to Guantanamo so that he can see for himself whether or not waterboarding constitutes torture and then throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
a broken leg that wishes she was a princess who falls in love with a flower that wishes he was a bunny
ROY: I have to write a short story and I have to write the rough draft by Monday – I don’t even have a topic yet
HORST: I cannot wait. Perhaps the story should involve at least one bunny?
Personally, I would roll with 2 teenage boys who come across a bunny whose leg is broken. One of them wants to take it home, and the other alternates between wanting to stomp its head or skin it and eat it. The earnestness on one hand, while nevertheless trying not to look like a total fag in front of his friend, and the sheer fuck-all destructiveness of the other kid should make for a good tension.
ROY: Aurora thinks that i should write about a flower that wishes she was a princess
HORST: Well, I can certainly see the merit there. How about a bunny with a broken leg who wishes she were a flower?
ROY: how about a broken leg that wishes she was a princess who falls in love with a flower that wishes he was a bunny?
HORST: Now we are getting somewhere.
If she were a princess, would she have this deep throbbing ache within her? Of course not - life was perfect for a princess - otherwise, what would be the point? And what is a princess without her prince? Tall, long-stemmed, with a dark silky outer corrola, gently sloping in toward the tall pistil stamens which frame a majestic, strong stile, topped by a stigma that looked rough, but would, under a princess' soft touch, gently respond.
HORST: I cannot wait. Perhaps the story should involve at least one bunny?
Personally, I would roll with 2 teenage boys who come across a bunny whose leg is broken. One of them wants to take it home, and the other alternates between wanting to stomp its head or skin it and eat it. The earnestness on one hand, while nevertheless trying not to look like a total fag in front of his friend, and the sheer fuck-all destructiveness of the other kid should make for a good tension.
ROY: Aurora thinks that i should write about a flower that wishes she was a princess
HORST: Well, I can certainly see the merit there. How about a bunny with a broken leg who wishes she were a flower?
ROY: how about a broken leg that wishes she was a princess who falls in love with a flower that wishes he was a bunny?
HORST: Now we are getting somewhere.
If she were a princess, would she have this deep throbbing ache within her? Of course not - life was perfect for a princess - otherwise, what would be the point? And what is a princess without her prince? Tall, long-stemmed, with a dark silky outer corrola, gently sloping in toward the tall pistil stamens which frame a majestic, strong stile, topped by a stigma that looked rough, but would, under a princess' soft touch, gently respond.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Deliverance
Goldilocks and Lemon Curry
Flew up into the air
Where and when and why and how
They really didn’t care
The Narcissistic bells were ringing
Flowers in their heads
And they danced their dainty dances
Above the flower beds
T’was autumn and the leaves were mourning
The loss of summers gone
And Goldilocks and Lemon C
Flew on and on and on
They flew above the drudgery
They flew above the pain
They flew above insanity
And all the barely sane
their flight continued endlessly
ever-on and higher
their flight it is my fantasy
my singlemost desire
Flew up into the air
Where and when and why and how
They really didn’t care
The Narcissistic bells were ringing
Flowers in their heads
And they danced their dainty dances
Above the flower beds
T’was autumn and the leaves were mourning
The loss of summers gone
And Goldilocks and Lemon C
Flew on and on and on
They flew above the drudgery
They flew above the pain
They flew above insanity
And all the barely sane
their flight continued endlessly
ever-on and higher
their flight it is my fantasy
my singlemost desire
Saturday, January 2, 2010
FAVORITE LINES FROM BUNNER
"I want to get caned just so Jane Pauley can ask me 'Did it hurt?' HELL NO JANE! IT FELT GOOD BABY!"
"I WAS EVALUATING MY SECONDARY SEX CHARACTERISTICS THE OTHER DAY AND I NOTICED I DO NOT HAVE COMPLETE BREAST DEVELOPMENT!"
"I LOVE UNCLE JESSE! HE HAS SUCH CHARISMA! WHEN HE SPEAKS I FEEL I MUST FALL TO HIS FEET AND KISS HIS CALCIUM LADEN TOENAILS! YO-HO! AT FIRST I GAVE MY CATS THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, BUT NOW I MUST SAY THAT THEY HAVE TO BE GAY!" (Lord Bunner)
"I WAS EVALUATING MY SECONDARY SEX CHARACTERISTICS THE OTHER DAY AND I NOTICED I DO NOT HAVE COMPLETE BREAST DEVELOPMENT!"
"I LOVE UNCLE JESSE! HE HAS SUCH CHARISMA! WHEN HE SPEAKS I FEEL I MUST FALL TO HIS FEET AND KISS HIS CALCIUM LADEN TOENAILS! YO-HO! AT FIRST I GAVE MY CATS THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, BUT NOW I MUST SAY THAT THEY HAVE TO BE GAY!" (Lord Bunner)
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