Random Self-Help Surrealist Journal

1. today’s weather = full of pathetic, pointless ramblings, in short a breath of fresh air
2. today’s news = never underestimate the wisdom of running naked in public
3. News and events with my family & friends = how much sleep do you personally need in order to function
4. I am excited/happy about how you’ve sincerely ridiculed my whathaveyou in a silly way
5. I am indecisive/concerned about the statement: “One mustn't monkey with one's wand in public”
6. Physically and mentally I feel my thoughts are with you and your family
7. What I learned today: that kidney stones are worse than labor
8. People/things that brighten my day: Dad was always a very tough man
9. What I did to brighten someone else's day: She wrote, “Yep, you're a dork. But I did always like you so I did read it to the end and it did amuse me. Catharsis AND amusement, that is a slam dunk.”
10. Projects/Goals/Ideas/Plans for tomorrow: Breathe in, out, repeat. this, today, is called success. Do not forget this.
11. Personally I would like to have food in my belly, ale in hand, a roof to sleep under, a woman to sleep with, a child to cuddle, and people who can stand me.
12. Today I feel like those obnoxious people on their cellphones who call the people they know and start blathering on and on about nothing
13. I am grateful for William Shatner, i.e., the tendency toward arrogance and self-absorption
‏14. Spiritually I wish life was essentially lollypop lit
‏15. People in my thoughts today are truly wonderful and have tremendous mass appeal