THE APOPHTHEGMATA OF LINTIUS MAXIMUS

1. anything is better than nothing
2. nothing is better than anything
3. as humans, we are not equal in our aptitude and appetite for stupidity, but we all have some talent for it
4. everything that’s good is bad for you
5. everything that’s bad is good for you
6. people are stupid and trying to kill you (try not to be one of them)
7. youth is wasted on the stupid
8. you can’t judge a book from what you hear about it on television
9. a good trick for a old dog is to continue to shit outside
10.most people can’t make a silk purse from silk

LIMERICK ABUSE II

I always use limericks to teach meter because most of my students can clearly hear the stressed syllables in limericks. Once they begin to be able to identify which syllables are stressed and unstressed, it’s much easier for them to apply those skills to other types of meter. Yesterday we wrote limericks as a practice exercise. I always do a bunch of extemporaneous examples in class to help them and to show them that it is actually very easy. They are typically inspired by students by my students. I posted last year’s examples; it seems silly not to post this year’s as well.

In a hole in my wall lives a shoe.
You may think that’s a lie but it’s true.
He hasn’t a foot
Within him to put
So he hasn’t a whole lot to do.

There once was a guy, Ricardo.
He was skinny just like a scarecrow.
His weight was so small,
He was likely to fall
Each time that a stiff wind would blow.

Austin’s a student so rare.
He’s lazy beyond all compare.
If he could contrive
A way to survive,
He’d probably stop breathing air.

So there once was this fellow named Steve
Who we thought would never leave.
We begged him each day
To go far away,
But now that he’s gone we all grieve.

So Travis and Indica love
with a passion resembling a shove,
but they say that they hate
and won’t go on a date
till the day that pigs fly up above.

mimeogram

Earlier than usual, I encountered some more words: we have returned to the problem of knowledge through images... conscious, while I was trying to get some sleep – establishing a clear distinction between images produced by artistic means and images resulting from rigorously applied scientific procedures – a little hesitation revealed in the way they are organized brings the operation of chance or of automatism to the mind – we stand opposed to the tendency to reproduce sequences addressed to the world at large, but through crystal attention to symbols, certain valid theoretical contents, these peculiar verbal formations, which, by the use of pictorial techniques, seem, as the case may be, to point to the unknown that surrounds us – they appear and strikingly seem to find a staggering materialization of the highest order in indecipherable images: “The Velocitus Tremenjus is zipping along by a train” – “Beware the vile subterfuge of zenophobic, fascist leprachauns” – In generally accepting a complete lack of purpose or meaning, surrealist practitioners will find that the way toward blossoming lies in the absurd use of aplastic, objective and entirely non-artistic procedures – these begin in the inner ear as a remarkably autonomous word-group: “A LOVE AFFAIR WITH STUPIDITY” – I wish to look at them very closely once again, without being prompted by anything clear or structured, to find something other than what is commonly described as meaning

ALL THE MEANINGLESS DAYS OF OUR MEANINGLESS LIVES

"Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."

Car Stolen Outside California Store With 2 Kids Inside
Auto Czar Leaves D.C. Amidst Pay-to-Play Probe
Does Obama Have Too Many Czars?
12 Tortured Bodies Found in Mexico Are Intel Officials

What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?

N.D. Missile Crew Members Fired for Falling Asleep
Upcoming Military Robot Could Feed on Dead Bodies
Robber Cites Economy During Bank Heist
Group Seeks to Block 'In God We Trust' Engraving

Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.

Billboard Claiming MLK in GOP Angers Black Activists
More Arrests in Murders of Fla. Couple With 17 Kids
Man Uses Beer to Lure Drunk Intruder Out of Home
Eastern Iowa Train Crash Kills Conductor, Engineer

The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.

Porn Mogul's Son Accused of Murder, Kidnapping
Study Finds Living Together First Can Spoil Marriage
Obama makes pitch for community colleges
House Dems unveil health care reform plan

The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.

Obama ally hits back at Palin attack
Is there life after a sex scandal?
Investigator visits Jackson dermatologist office
Taylor hospitalization not related to Jackson

All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.

Generic version of drug tied to Jackson recalled
Robot paints tweets on Tour de France route
NASA to cut 400 jobs, contractor says
Driver killed in Grand Canyon plunge

All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.

'Prince' brings more Potter excellence
Dog found 1,800 miles from home
Obama's teleprompter crashes to floor
Eternal moonwalk Web site honors Jackson

What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.

Paris launches smile campaign to woo tourists
15-foot shark washes ashore in N.Y.
Obama mulls rental option for homeowners
Goldman profit and pay surge in blowout quarter

Is there anything of which one can say,
"Look! This is something new"?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.

Ex-GM CEO Wagoner retires with $8.6 mln
Moody's cuts Calif rating, budget talks press on
China warns citizens in Algeria of al Qaeda threat
House releases healthcare overhaul bill

There is no remembrance of men of old,
and even those who are yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow.

Schwarzenegger launches TV ad in budget fight
Obama says lost auto jobs are gone
House eyes extending jobless benefits
Give talks a chance, U.S. tells Honduras rivals

I have seen all the things that are done under the sun;
all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

Nigerian militant group declares 60-day ceasefire
BlackBerry for kids? Child asks creators
Microsoft Office users attacked by cybercriminals
Wall St up as earnings offset retail data; Intel soars

What is twisted cannot be straightened;
what is lacking cannot be counted.

Intel trumps forecasts, bodes well for PC sector
Nikkei gains 0.5 pct on upbeat earnings, yen helps
Shares cheered on by Intel, yen steps back
Jackson's ex-wife denies giving up kids

I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge.
Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom,
and also of madness and folly,
but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind.

Robert De Niro victim of New York art scam
Episcopal vote on gay clergy widens Anglican split
In love? It's not enough to keep a marriage, study finds
What a difference a year makes for Tiger
How bad is swine flu? Without numbers, who knows?
Danish study looks at link between HRT, cancer

For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
the more knowledge, the more grief.

THE FINE PRINT

Upon receiving this living body, you agree that this alone constitutes the entire User Agreement, that it is the complete and exclusive statement of your agreement with us, that it sets forth our entire liability, all representations made, and all commitments that are binding upon us, that it is not intended to inure to third-party beneficiaries, supersedes all prior agreements and representations between the parties, that no variation of the terms of this User Agreement will be enforceable against us, that it is subject to change which shall be effective immediately, and you waive the right to claim, contest, or assert that this User Agreement was modified, canceled, superseded, or changed by any oral agreement, course of conduct, waiver, implication, or estoppel, nor may you rely upon the representation(s) of any donor. Any attempt to transfer any of the rights, duties, or obligations hereunder except as expressly provided for herein is null and void. In the event of a dispute, the parties hereto agree to resolve the dispute by looking to this User Agreement. This User Agreement shall not limit any actions we might deem necessary at any time. This User Agreement shall not be canceled, modified, amended or in any way altered, nor may it be modified by you in any way, shape, or form. No one has the authority to vary these terms and conditions, nor to make any additional commitments or representations which do not appear herein, and no purported modification by any person, orally or in writing, may be relied upon or deemed binding, and we note our objection thereto, nor shall any writing, undertaking, representation made by anyone which is inconsistent with this User Agreement be binding. Consequently you may not send us your contracts, offers, requirements, forms, prayers, files, gift restrictions, confidentiality notices, or other communications or petitions containing terms and/or conditions which differ from this User Agreement which if received in violation of the foregoing will be ignored if possible, and will have no effect, but which may if deemed necessary in our sole discretion be subject to our review at your expense. Our failure to respond or take affirmative action in response to any communication or information sent or provided to us should be understood to mean that we did not receive the communication or information, did not read or listen to it, chose not to respond, or disagreed, and should not be construed to indicate our acquiescence, agreement, approval, or consent. We reserve the right to cancel this User Agreement at any time with or without notice; you should not expect or await reminders.

Random Self-Help Surrealist Journal

1. today’s weather = full of pathetic, pointless ramblings, in short a breath of fresh air
2. today’s news = never underestimate the wisdom of running naked in public
3. News and events with my family & friends = how much sleep do you personally need in order to function
4. I am excited/happy about how you’ve sincerely ridiculed my whathaveyou in a silly way
5. I am indecisive/concerned about the statement: “One mustn't monkey with one's wand in public”
6. Physically and mentally I feel my thoughts are with you and your family
7. What I learned today: that kidney stones are worse than labor
8. People/things that brighten my day: Dad was always a very tough man
9. What I did to brighten someone else's day: She wrote, “Yep, you're a dork. But I did always like you so I did read it to the end and it did amuse me. Catharsis AND amusement, that is a slam dunk.”
10. Projects/Goals/Ideas/Plans for tomorrow: Breathe in, out, repeat. this, today, is called success. Do not forget this.
11. Personally I would like to have food in my belly, ale in hand, a roof to sleep under, a woman to sleep with, a child to cuddle, and people who can stand me.
12. Today I feel like those obnoxious people on their cellphones who call the people they know and start blathering on and on about nothing
13. I am grateful for William Shatner, i.e., the tendency toward arrogance and self-absorption
‏14. Spiritually I wish life was essentially lollypop lit
‏15. People in my thoughts today are truly wonderful and have tremendous mass appeal

ACADEMIC JARGON

Postmodern literature has been commonly considered a peculiar phenomenon strongly associated with the surprisingly and intensely self-conscious (or, to use another fashionable critical term, ‘reflexive’) study of the building of the understanding of the dialectic to establish that discourses are not conjunctural in outcome. To improve the quality of this study, a new project has begun, whose currency comprises units of metaphor, synecdoche, and metonymy, consisting, typically, in the trans-factual efficacy of the generative mechanism of structures, the rhythmic temporality as well as spaciality, in the quest of a speed older than time and space, which are the derivative of the holistic causality and intra-activity of a (in general) partial totality, dependent in the human sphere upon the ontological. I have prioritized the triunity of space, time and causality; stressed the fivefold causal chain irreducibly tensing the spatializing, processual exercise of their causal powers, potentially mediated by necessarily binary or polarized spheres which are necessarily in apposition to each other. This book advances the claim that the dialectics are best understood as the substitution instances, occupying argument places in a schema formed in the interstices and engaging postcolonial and feminist perspectives for a multicultural epistemological pedagogy. This is foundational, for the study, irreducibly rhetorical, is the product of a fluid tropology. The following work aims to establish that the organized inorganic structures of the dialectic are necessary for the construction of all meaning and reality and takes itself as its only real subject. Not a decomposition of speed, life is the conquest of mobility; the structure of the bricolage conforms in many ways to the phenomenological analysis of the works of meta-fiction. This is one argument, used to designate the function that willfully (and perhaps perversely) subverts the premise that what we traditionally consider ontological, normative, or art as a privileged locus of disclosure of the horizontal structure of human experience into meetly meted prose which messalinically mimics a metrazolic mirage magnifying our culture’s metonymic, onanistic calculus, is centered on the dialectic. In particular, this argument reinforces that what the dialectic demonstrates is the initially immanent status of the representation of our understanding, without thereby driving the de-fault of origin out of which there is time - constitutive (in the strict phenomenological sense). In this preface, the epistomologist, just awakened from his dogmatic slumbers, into the exile of phenomenalism, describes the attempted metonymy of linking being with history in a mimetic illusion of stories, which calls attention to its own artiface, and ultimately, in treating itself as a paradigm of epistemological tenets and mannerisms of poststructuralist (especially deconstructive) literary theory embodied in intentional causal agency of emergent structurata, codetermining a concrete singularity which, as has already been noted, takes itself as its only real subject.